Look in the mirror and how do you see? Do you see yourself with the lens of judgment, criticism, or perhaps optimism? Can you look past your facial features, the color of your hair, and shapes of your body to see your actual self? Your insecurities, convictions, fears, secrets, shadows, loves, desires, dreams and fantasy's are the essence of your true personhood. They are the pieces of us which can leave us confused, frustrated and stuck in loops which leave us repeating patterns of negative behaviors. Why is this important? You have to do the work, you have to be willing to say out loud, “I am flawed, I see it and will not ignore it.” You have to be ready to become transparent in your authenticity, are you living the life that you espouse to live? Or do you say one thing and then do another? I believe the measure of a persons true character is how you live when no one is looking, when only you are accountable to your actions. And there it is, how are you truly accountable to yourself if there is no outside measure? I have learned so much about people this year, specifically the amount of which we show our true selves to others. We rarely do it, almost never, choosing rather to put on our best performance, not truly being authentic for fear of rejection. Well that show simply cannot go on! Can we agree to leave the fake stuff for Instagram models, Snaptock, Facespace and TickChat or whatever their of time they are called! Ask what parts of you you hide the most, even the parts you hide from yourself? We must at least consider this as an option, to investigate our why’s. We talk about the “why” regarding our purpose but not so much on the why we hide. So let me start, I hide because I am afraid of being rejected, I doubt myself many times and also make myself small as not to seem audacious because somewhere along the way I learned that was bad. I do this out of fear, fear is what keeps me hidden and fear is what provokes my loops. The experience of facing these things is at times exceptionally liberating and at other times frightening. I am grateful for my therapist, she provides me the space I need to explore those hidden parts and is completely unbiased. Her challenges cause me to be honest, there is no point in hiding with her. If you don’t have a therapist, my advice…get one, stat! Why not take the time to get to know yourself in ways that will elevate the field for your growth? Life is complicated, we are complicated, none of this is easy and we are all doing this together at the same time, we just pretend we are so different. We perpetuate the toxic loops for others too. We do this by overreacting to someone's truth, we are judgmental, we lack empathy and make unlimited amounts of assumptions rather that just outright asking questions. Oh how we have managed to overcomplicate such a precious opportunity!But it’s not too late, we can get out of our loops by interrupting the loops by which we are a party to. When I start listening to you with empathy rather than how I want to respond, I will be creating space for you to be authentic since you will know you are safe in your expression. When I listen when I am being criticized and challenged without being defensive, I can give an honest moment to look at myself without judgement. I can make these changes and my fear will diminish the more I practice these new ways of living. 2020 is nearly in the books and 2021 is upon us, I challenge you to shift into this new space of being. Know that I will be adventuring in this journey too and will be here to support you if you so choose to join me. The time to change is now, be free and enjoy learning who you are and why you are. Send me your thoughts, concerns and questions I will respond because we are all in this together and now can begin to live that way. I wish you blessings upon blessings.
Shanda A. Enderle, LPC
Reach me: firstname.lastname@example.org